Finally, an app for on-demand ass-wiping

Google. Apple. Facebook. Amazon. Watch out.
A new player is entering the game — and it means business.
It’s called Whypit, and not only does it give a new meaning to the term “software as a service,” but it’s poised to revolutionize the world of personal hygiene. Here’s how it works:

• Smartphone-wielding users experiencing a bowel movement open up the mobile app.
• From there, users order an independently contracted “sanitation concierge.”
• Much like Uber drivers, local sanitation concierges will locate your geographic coordinates and arrive promptly at your location.
• The sanitation concierge will then provide a “frictionless solution empowering you to seamlessly remain engaged with your phone as you do your business.”

Forget ever being No. 2. This app is sailing straight to No. 1.
According to Wilmington-based founder Trent Hampton (the same game-changing entrepreneur known for developing Crunchy, the world’s first edible, gluten-free flash drive), Whypit has already accrued a market valuation of over $500 billion.
Wait a minute…
Oh.
Fortunately, Whypit is the fictional product of Wilmington business satirist Bob Hirschfeld. Hirschfeld said he created the spoof to mock all the buzz around the sharing economy, and created the site to replicate the modern “endless, endless scrolling” web design adopted by countless startups.